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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?